That was one of the the great opening partnerships you have ever seen by Jacko (flukey 97) and my rock of an innings against Valley End. Now smeared by all this match fixing stuff. Is nothing sacred.
Thanks for the Guinness, lads ...
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Monday, August 30, 2010
Not so happy Valley implicated
More sad news rocked the world of cricket this afternoon when Valley End CC became the latest club to become embroiled in the nepotist match fixing scandal. Back in 2007 the mighty vecc Sunday Socials played host to the greatest wandering team the world has ever seen. Huge marquees were erected on the boundary and the local population flocked to the famous old ground.
In dribbled the magenta and green team and by the time Captains Messenger and Monk had completed the toss Bomber Dale was well into his third pint of Guinness. It later became clear that he had not had to pay for the dark stuff. Nothing unusual in this, but instead of pilfering it he had actually been given it by the 'friendly' bar man.
Roly Monk returned to the hutch with news of a lost toss but that VECC wanted to insert the Nepos. The sun was out, the strip toward the short road side of the ground and Super Ted was the only recognised pace bowler (Marcus was also playing). The massed ranks in the press facility were even more bemused when Roly Monk asked Bomber to open the innings with his cousin, Jacko. Obviously the odds on a long and meaningful openning partnership lengthened.
Bomber tried hard to strap on the pads, but had to be helped and then forgot his bat a la Bob Willis. The odds lengthened further. At this point Ladbrokes took a bet on a hundred plus opening partnership! The account holder was code named 'Tea Lady'.
Needless to say Jacko (97) and Bomber (3) did pass the hundred mark as The Socials put down only five chances.
The ICC have launched a probe into this match which could compromise the VECC tour to Corfu and the NCC Legends tour to Australia this Winter. Did the Captains collude at the toss? Who would ever buy Bomber three beers? Who is Tea Lady? How was the new VECC ground paid for?
Unfortunately, more revelations regarding NCC match fixing will soon surface. Mr Rik's running between the wickets in the 2010 Isis Trophy Cup Final. Steve Werren has confirmed he thinks Rik is guilty of throwing the game, the assasination of JFK and the false WMD disclosure.
In dribbled the magenta and green team and by the time Captains Messenger and Monk had completed the toss Bomber Dale was well into his third pint of Guinness. It later became clear that he had not had to pay for the dark stuff. Nothing unusual in this, but instead of pilfering it he had actually been given it by the 'friendly' bar man.
Roly Monk returned to the hutch with news of a lost toss but that VECC wanted to insert the Nepos. The sun was out, the strip toward the short road side of the ground and Super Ted was the only recognised pace bowler (Marcus was also playing). The massed ranks in the press facility were even more bemused when Roly Monk asked Bomber to open the innings with his cousin, Jacko. Obviously the odds on a long and meaningful openning partnership lengthened.
Bomber tried hard to strap on the pads, but had to be helped and then forgot his bat a la Bob Willis. The odds lengthened further. At this point Ladbrokes took a bet on a hundred plus opening partnership! The account holder was code named 'Tea Lady'.
Needless to say Jacko (97) and Bomber (3) did pass the hundred mark as The Socials put down only five chances.
The ICC have launched a probe into this match which could compromise the VECC tour to Corfu and the NCC Legends tour to Australia this Winter. Did the Captains collude at the toss? Who would ever buy Bomber three beers? Who is Tea Lady? How was the new VECC ground paid for?
Unfortunately, more revelations regarding NCC match fixing will soon surface. Mr Rik's running between the wickets in the 2010 Isis Trophy Cup Final. Steve Werren has confirmed he thinks Rik is guilty of throwing the game, the assasination of JFK and the false WMD disclosure.
From The Office Of The Sticky Dog
This is a dark day for cricket.
It has come to the attention of the Sticky Dog editorial team that more than one Nepo legend has been involved in a betting scandal.
Bruce Jackson's infamous . . . . . W final over at Little Durnford when 6 runs were required for victory has always been perplexing. Now it seems he was got at by a Honiton bookmaker who approached him in The Pit Club the night before. Mr Rik lost a fortune on this final over "dot betting" and went on to completely smash up his hotel bedroom door - naked.
Sadly, more revelations are due to hit the fan in the next few days.
Roly Monk
Editor, The Sticky Dog 1987-2001
It has come to the attention of the Sticky Dog editorial team that more than one Nepo legend has been involved in a betting scandal.
Bruce Jackson's infamous . . . . . W final over at Little Durnford when 6 runs were required for victory has always been perplexing. Now it seems he was got at by a Honiton bookmaker who approached him in The Pit Club the night before. Mr Rik lost a fortune on this final over "dot betting" and went on to completely smash up his hotel bedroom door - naked.
Sadly, more revelations are due to hit the fan in the next few days.
Roly Monk
Editor, The Sticky Dog 1987-2001
Nepotists Implicated in Pakistani Betting Scandal
In the aftermath of the Pakistan "NoBallsGate", the ICC has today announced an investigation into certain cricketing irregularities involving the Nepotists Cricket Club. Pending the outcome of these investigation, the club will immediately lose its self proclaimed moniker "the greatest team the world has ever seen".
The irregularities currently under investigation include...
* Jacko & Bomber's 100+ run opening partnership vs Valley End
* Tim Hardy's 43 career run outs
* Derek Lec Leckenby's 8 putt on Bigbury's treacherous 17th green.
* The year Keith Scott 'lost' the esky hurdling race
* Keith Scott's run of 18 matches in a row with at least one wide in his opening over
* Stoney's full bunger season
* Any ton Roly made
* Jacko's "chilli eyes" incident of Honiton/Budleigh
* Steve Werren's off-side boundary
Pending the results of these investigations, the ICC announces the immediate suspension of any batsman anywhere in the world who was 'dismissed' by one of Bomber's floaters. The ICC has grave doubts over whether any bona fide batsman could have legitimately been dismissed by such slow, slow bowling.
The ICC also invites other suspicious incidents (like the time Allan Stamper made 74 runs, including 7 in front of square) to be reported on this blog.
Signed,
Hafeezhand Mizzin
Chief Corruption & Scandal Officer, ICC
The irregularities currently under investigation include...
* Jacko & Bomber's 100+ run opening partnership vs Valley End
* Tim Hardy's 43 career run outs
* Derek Lec Leckenby's 8 putt on Bigbury's treacherous 17th green.
* The year Keith Scott 'lost' the esky hurdling race
* Keith Scott's run of 18 matches in a row with at least one wide in his opening over
* Stoney's full bunger season
* Any ton Roly made
* Jacko's "chilli eyes" incident of Honiton/Budleigh
* Steve Werren's off-side boundary
Pending the results of these investigations, the ICC announces the immediate suspension of any batsman anywhere in the world who was 'dismissed' by one of Bomber's floaters. The ICC has grave doubts over whether any bona fide batsman could have legitimately been dismissed by such slow, slow bowling.
The ICC also invites other suspicious incidents (like the time Allan Stamper made 74 runs, including 7 in front of square) to be reported on this blog.
Signed,
Hafeezhand Mizzin
Chief Corruption & Scandal Officer, ICC
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